Twofold
by murdur
Summary: Loki finds many commonalities between himself and his child while Sif muses over her new life.
1. Twofold

Sif unclasped the final hook binding the metal bracer to her forearm and unwound the maroon cloth that lay underneath from her hand and arm with practiced speed, setting the last of her training gear in its rightful place in the armory. Stripped to her leathers and a light silver tunic, Sif parted the room with haste, walking with determined steps echoing off the shining floors of the long palace corridors. The warrior kept her head forward as she moved, firelight from the high torches illuminating her path as the skies of Asgard grew darker.

Sif's fingers itched, eager to reach her destination. When she reached the heavy golden doors she sought, the warrior threw them open with great anticipation, entering the chamber with quick steps but paused at the sight before her. On the other side of the room stood a low long sofa with Loki's lithe form stretched across it. And upon his chest a small baby was settled, one long hand spread securely across the infant's small back. Ullr laid with a plump cheek pressed to Loki's chest causing his small, bowed lips to be slightly parted in his slumber. He slept with his legs tucked up under himself and one small hand fisting into the loose dark material of Loki's shirt.

Sif padded silently across the floor of the spacious living chambers, observing as Ullr's small form rose and dipped with the rhythmic lull of Loki's deep breathing, smiling at the way Loki's own lips were parted slightly, soft snores escaping his thin mouth.

Bending down, Sif gently slid one hand under Ullr's chest, fingers spreading to support his round cheek and her other coming to rest on his bottom as she gingerly lifted him from beneath Loki's hand. The baby's arms flailed in an uncoordinated motion briefly, a small squeak escaping as Sif settled him against her shoulder.

At the shifting movement and loss of contact, Loki's entire body jerked awake, both his arms raising to his chest and his eyes flying open wide. When his wild eyes landed on Sif with Ullr safely resting in her arms, a smirk pulled at the prince's lips and he settled back into the cushions. Sif nudged his long legs with her own knee, bidding him to make room for her on the plush couch. Loki dragged his legs towards himself until Sif was settled into the sofa with Ullr propped up against her chest, at which time he promptly draped his legs back across her lap. Sif rolled her eyes but did not protest, focusing on the child in her arms. She cradled Ullr to her chest, holding him under his rear, with her other hand resting on the back of his neck where his head laid against her shoulder as he dozed peacefully.

Sif ran her hand against the soft fabric of the baby's warm pajamas in a soothing motion and pressed her lips to dark tufts of soft black hair, breathing in the smell of him. She sighed, marveling at the calming effect the small, warm presence she held in her arms had on her.

"It appears that my first day returning to the training yard has been exhausting for all," Sif spoke lowly, watching from the corner of her vision as the sides of Loki's lips pulled up from where he laid with his eyes shut.

He lazily blinked his eyes open, sitting up in an unhurried motion. He lifted himself until he was resting with his head on Sif's opposite shoulder of where the baby had his own cheek pressed and he curled against her side. "Mmm," he agreed softly. "It was an eventful day."

Loki lifted one fine-boned hand, placing it gently on the back of Ullr's head, his thumb softly brushing against the smooth skin of the baby's temple. Ullr stirred, rubbing his face against Sif's chest and making small noises before settling under Loki's touch.

"The two of you looked to be quite the pair. Practically mirror images of each other, drool and all," Sif murmured.

"We are discovering that we already share many common interests, Ullr and I." Loki spoke softly into her collarbone, gazing at the child across Sif's bosom.

"Is that so? Something aside from a constant need for attention?"

Loki ignored her slight, continuing to gently stroke the baby's head. "I've discovered that we both grow extremely irritable when hungry."

"Ah yes," Sif snorted, recalling the innumerable times she had found Loki locked away somewhere in the palace hunched over stacks of dusty old books, poring over the tomes for days on end grumbling to himself and snapping in bad temper at all who disturbed him. It wasn't until Sif would practically drag him to the dining halls and force him to eat that his sour demeanor would dissipate.

"What else?" she asked, resting her cheek against the top of the baby's head.

"Pulling Thor's hair brings us both great joy. And the sight of Fandral's face drives us to tears."

"Loki."

He continued on, ignoring Sif's halfhearted reprimand and slid his face further down her chest. "And of course, the both of us are quite enthusiastic about your breasts," he hummed into her skin, nuzzling playfully into her bust.

"_Loki._"

The prince laughed low before raising his head to press a soft kiss to the skin of her neck, sliding his free arm between her back and the couch and curving gently around her waist.

"And we are both utterly inconsolable without your presence."

Sif rolled her eyes again, but smiled softly at his words. Loki smoothed his hand from Ullr's soft head, down his back where Sif's calloused hands held his small frame. He traced his fingers lightly down her arm, pausing when he reached the skin just below her elbow.

"You are bleeding," Loki observed. His finger traced the small gash that marred her skin.

Sif huffed in reply. "It was well deserved. It appears that my body has grown soft and slow in my absence from the training grounds." She ducked her head, her voice dropping. "Perhaps it was foolish of me to think that I could remain the warrior I've always been...

"Sif," Loki mused against her shoulder, "hardly any time has passed since you carried the child within you. You will return to your previous form, in time. You must be patient. If you hadn't practically threatened both Thor and Eir to agree to let you return to your post early..."

"I have little time for patience. I do not like waiting."

"I've never noticed," Loki smiled against her. "Speaking of waiting, Ullr and I were attempting to wait up for your return, as he was quite eager to present you with your gift."

Loki motioned towards the low table before them where a small vase held a single, long-stemmed rose of deep red. "We visited Mother's gardens this afternoon and during our stroll, Ullr spotted this particular blossom. He informed me that it reminded him of you and I was wont to agree."

Raising her eyebrows Sif eyed the bloom. "Because I am a delicate flower?" she asked flatly.

"Roses are quite the complex growth. This particular flower has a strong stem, lined with fearsome, sharp thorns. An effective, cutting safeguard. Resilient. And then the petals, hardy and vividly colored, are undeniably alluring in their elegance. It would be foolish to deny the flower its duality. Beautiful and dangerous."

"Those were quite the honeyed words, Silvertongue." Sif fought to keep the smile off of her face, unable to deny the warmth the somewhat cliched words struck in her heart. "Sentimental. Are you losing your touch?"

Loki sat up at her words, lifting himself into a regal posture and gazing at her with serious eyes. "Oh, never. The words were purely Ullr's. I am just relaying his observations. But he is just a babe, we cannot fault him for his unsophisticated words, now can we?"

"No, we cannot." Sif leaned towards him, gently pressing her lips to his. Loki wrapped one hand under her chin, holding her to him for a long, languid kiss. Sif sighed as they broke apart, Loki lowering his head to her shoulder once more. Sif pressed her lips to the baby's head. "Thank you," she whispered, feeling warm and content surrounded by that which she loved most.

* * *

Happy Mother's Day. I've been watching too many baby videos on youtube, don't judge me.

Comments, reviews, critiques are always welcome and appreciated!


	2. Routine

Updated fic in celebration of my friend Lana's birthday! It's all her fault that I have so many baby feels, and Loki/Sif feels in general. Please check out her writing over on AO3 - Her username is "nayanroo" and her Loki/Sif stories are astounding!

* * *

As the days passed, Ullr grew bigger and stronger soon able to hold his own head up while he gazed upon the world with inquisitive eyes.

Sif found her own body growing stronger, slowly but surely returning to her previous physical form. As for her mental state, she found her desire to train and to fight was even fiercer than before the birth of her child. Sif always held her love of her Realm above all else, and now that Asgard was home to this new, tiny life, she felt her fire to protect it blaze even brighter.

Determined to continue her warrior pursuits and resume her post, Sif and Loki both found ways to adjust their routines to include their new addition. Though Lady Frigga and Thor were both overjoyed at the opportunity to look after the baby, it was often that he could be found strapped to Sif's chest, dozing unperturbed as she worked the warrior trainees through grueling routines (many new recruits whispered amongst themselves that she was even _more_ terrifying with a baby in her arms).

It was just as standard to find Ullr bundled in Loki's arms, peering out at the members of the Royal council as his father sat in on long debates and conferences, fulfilling his duties as advisor to Thor's new kingship.

With such responsibilities, using a handmaid was sometimes unavoidable, but both Loki and Sif made an effort to spend time together during the evening, developing a bedtime routine. After long days spent in the heat and intensity of the training yards fulfilling her own duty to the Realm Eternal, Sif looked forward to this quiet, peaceful time and tonight was no different.

She carried a metal basin across the spacious bathing room, setting it onto the top of an ornate marble counter, careful not to slosh the small amount of warm water over the edges. Loki followed her across the room, holding Ullr in his arms. Careful to support his head, Loki slowly lowered the baby into the small tub, smiling at the way Ullr squealed in delight.

Sif and Loki stood over the basin, running a soft cloth gently against his small head and body as the baby kick and splashed happily in the shallow water. He cooed, looking up into their faces as his parents wiped away the day's grime from his soft skin, dipping into folds and rolls, and between fingers and toes.

Sif savored their routine, admiring the baby's fat legs and round belly as he enjoyed his bath. The way he looked up, enraptured, when Loki spoke lowly to him made her heart swell. She coveted the way he shrieked and laughed when she made ridiculous faces or absurd sounds. Loki shook his head at her foolishness but said nothing.

Taking a small dollop of mild hair oil, the warrior took the opportunity to gently pull Ullr's dark hair through her fingers. She formed his wet tufts into the spikes if a mohawk down the center of his head. "Look!" she proclaimed. "Does not such a hairstyle suit him well? He has the makings of a future Berserker!"

She laughed at the sour look that crossed Loki's face, obviously not amused. He sat Ullr up in the basin to run the cloth against the baby's back, but not before he smoothed his hair into a more demure style, murmuring to himself something about embodying a regal bloodline.

"Oh, and you don't think fighting with single-minded determination for your kingdom is a noble pursuit?" Sif challenged playfully.

"Of course it is," Loki glared, dismissing Sif's baiting words. "But there is no need to forgo _style_ while doing so."

Oblivious to his parents' fighting over his future career and fashion choices, Ullr cheerfully gurgled in the warm water. He grasped his foot and tugged it uncoordinatedly to his mouth, gnawing happily at his toes.

"Unable to speak yet already putting his foot in his mouth," Loki grinned, unfolding a soft towel and holding it up. "He truly is your son."

Sif rolled her eyes and lifted Ullr out of the basin, handing the naked baby off to Loki to wrap him in the warmth of the towel. "I will cut that silver-tongue out of your head if you do not have care," she threatened amiably whilst they strolled out of the bathing chambers, Loki taking Ullr into his nursery while she entered their own bedchamber.

Sif stripped down in front of her vanity, dropping her clothes upon the low chair. Out of her large dresser, she pulled a flowing blue nightgown and changed quickly into the soft silk. Padding with bare feet, she crossed back into the nursery, following the sound of Loki's smooth voice speaking lowly to the child.

The prince had dried and dressed him in fuzzy grey pajamas and Ullr looked on in wonder while Loki produced soft sparks and dancing colors from his fingertips. She smiled, watching Ullr reach up from where he laid on his back to grasp a smoky image of a wolf and the illusion flicker and fade as his uncoordinated hand went through it.

Continuing her journey across the room, Sif plopped down in the rocking chair set near the baby's crib. Beautifully ornate, the chair was hand-carved from a cherry tree, a gift from the All-Father, presented along with Ullr's crib shortly before his birth. The warrior ran her calloused hands along the smooth wood of the chair's arms and tried not to laugh at the way Loki spoke to the baby in complete, complex sentences as if he were conversing with a fellow scholar and the way Ullr would tilt his head or coo as if in comprehension, his tiny hand landing on his father's sharp nose.

Loki lifted the child from where he was lying across the top of his blanket on the changing table. Upon their approach, Sif slipped one side of her nightgown off her shoulder. Loki shifted Ullr's small form and leaned down to rest him in Sif's arms. Before straightening, he placed a long hand against the back of her hair and pressed his lips to her forehead.

Sif smiled. Since she had given birth, it seemed as though Loki had grown more affectionate, or at least he was now more outright with displays. The warrior could not deny that she enjoyed such treatment, even if it still sometimes caught her off-guard. Tipping her head back and up she found Loki's lips with her own, kissing him, dawdling. Righting himself, he waved a hand, causing the candlelight in the room to grow dimmer before he took leave to change into his own sleeping clothes.

Hearing a small squeak, Sif turned her eyes to the babe in her arms, smiling tenderly at his tiny yawn. She adjusted his warm body, holding him to her bare breast. When he latched, she began to rock softly. He peered up at her while she gazed down upon him, quietly humming lullabies (she would not afflict him with her singing voice) and murmuring tales of old. Sif treasured these moments, the chance to hold her child close, to nurse and bond, a time shared only between them.

It wasn't long before Ullr grew full and was lulled by the soothing motion of the rocking chair, his suckling slowing and his eyes growing heavy. Sif grinned fondly as he valiantly fought to stay awake, resisting the call to sleep. Stubborn, like his mother and father already.

Carefully lifting herself from the chair and adjusting her gown, Sif delicately placed the baby into his crib, rubbing his tummy and smoothing his hair. Long arms wrapped slowly around her waist and Sif sighed leaning back against Loki and gazing upon their child. They stood quietly, watching him sleep with his small fists thrown up near his plump cheeks. Sif folded her arms across Loki's, brushing her fingers absentmindedly against his pale skin. It oftentimes still seemed surreal to her, what her life had become.

As if reading her thoughts, Loki murmured into her ear. "It is sometimes hard to believe something so perfect exists."

She sighed happily. "Let's have another one."

Quite suddenly, Sif felt Loki stiffen at her back. His word was sharp. "No."

She turned in his arms, confused. "What kind of reaction was that? Did you not just say –"

"Sif, please." He looked at her with something that looked like panic in eyes. "Drop it."

"No." She pushed him back with a firm hand and stepped out of his embrace, glaring up at him. "My words will not,_ I_ will not be dismissed so easily. This is something I wish to discuss. Now tell me –"

"No," Loki whispered. The dread in his face and his voice grew as he continued, "I can't. Sif, I won't –" Abruptly, the prince turned and fled from the room.

"What in Hel's name?" She cursed under her breath, pacing the room in her confusion. A sudden anger washed over her, why would he act like that? Was it such an abhorrent thing, to think about bringing another child into the world?

She stopped her pacing at the baby's crib, considering the gentle rise and fall of his chest. It cannot be due to Ullr, she thought, suddenly overwhelmed with a sorrowful ache in her chest. It cannot be that. It cannot.

Then it must be her. Perhaps he does not think that she is fit for motherhood. The thought pierced through Sif's heart and she sat heavily in the rocking chair. The longer she rocked, the more her sadness turned to fury. She has adapted well. She has done everything in her power to retain who she once was while allowing for certain changes. _Better_ changes, she thought. They knew there would be sacrifices, but was it not worth it?

Confused and infuriated, Sif rose from the chair and strode into their chambers. Loki was faced away from her on the bed and feigning sleep, she was sure. She said nothing as she climbed under the sheets, turning her back to him and laying awake to ponder until the sun rose.

Two days dragged by and they hardly said a word to each other. Sif was certain that Loki was avoiding her and their abandoned conversation. During one afternoon, she spied on him in the nursery with Ullr. His face was open and happy in a way it was not with anyone else except the squealing baby. Sif felt relief at the sight, but also a selfish, sinking sensation. Quite suddenly she felt very weary.

After the third night of going through their usually happy bedtime routine in complete silence, Sif could take no more. Squaring her shoulders she confronted him in their bedchamber, dreading her words and his response but unable to live with the silent alternative.

"Do you not care for the child? Do you not love him?" Her words came out harsher than expected, pushed out in her anxiety.

Loki looked like he'd been slapped in the face, the hurt apparent on his face. "Of course I do," his voice was low. "More than anything."

Sif nodded once and continued on. "So then it is me. Does the thought of seeing me grow round with child again repel you so?"

Loki blinked in surprise, his brow crumpling in anguish. "No. Sif, please."

Why wouldn't he admit it? she wondered, growing impatient. "Just tell me what it is, Loki!"

"I can't –," he stopped himself and swallowed hard, dropping his eyes. "I cannot risk it."

His eyes searched hers, pleading with her for understanding. But Sif stared at him cooly, waiting for him to continue.

"When you were pregnant with Ullr, things did not go…well."

"Ah." Her pregnancy was difficult, to be certain but her daily bouts of illness and constant chills seemed like a small price to pay to hold Ullr in her arms. But it was her labor and during childbirth that she truly very nearly died. If had taken the effort, knowledge, and magic of all of Asgard's best healers and Loki himself to keep her from dying in her birthing bed.

"With you being of Asgard and I a Jot-, a…what I am. I thought you were going to leave me behind. I cannot do that to you again." The guilt and hurt in his voice pulled Sif closer and she took his hands in hers as his head dropped and he continued in a whisper. "I can't bear the thought of losing you, of _Ullr_ losing you. I can't do this alone. We need you."

Reaching up, Sif placed a hand on his pained face, brushing along the sharp ridge of his cheek to wipe away a tear. Her heart felt heavy and ached at his words but she could also not deny the small part of her that felt relief at his reasoning.

"And what about me? Do I not have say in the matter?"

He looked ready to protest further but held his tongue at the fire in her eyes.

"I have no plans to leave this life without a fight, and I am stronger now than I have ever been. Eir and the healers would be better prepared this time, know what to expect. We'd _all_ be better prepared."

Loki did not reply but seemed to consider her words. She took that as a good sign.

"Perhaps you could find some texts in the library regarding children of multiple Realms, spend some time researching. We will travel all the branches of Yggdrasil if we must until we find all that we can on the matter. I am not proposing that another child is something for us to want right this very moment, but perhaps in the future."

Loki nodded once, seemingly mollified. "Well, it is a topic that we can continue to discuss."

"Thank you." Sif smiled up at him, feeling victorious. And victories called for celebrations. She pushed her hands into his hair, pulling his face down to hers for a long kiss. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, holding her close. "And in the meantime, we can practice," she murmured slyly against his lips, tumbling him back onto their bed. "Just in case."


	3. Milestones

After spending a lazy morning with his son in the palace, Loki carried Ullr down to the training yard to watch his mother and uncle before they would break for the afternoon meal together. Loki stood on the edge of the ring next to the Warriors Three holding the baby in his arms, watching as his wife and brother battled against each other in the ring, the clash of their weapons clanging loudly over the sound of their grunts and competitive barbs.

Sif saw them approach out of the corner of her eye, heard Ullr screech happily in her direction and hesitated momentarily to smile towards the side of the ring. Thor took the opportunity to use her distraction against her, swinging Mjolnir at the warrior from the side her head was angled away from. Catching the flash of silver barreling towards her ribcage, Sif moved swiftly, parrying the strike with her glaive and forcing Thor's massive arm upwards. Giving herself enough space to duck under, she efficiently twisted under his arm and positioned herself behind him as the force from his mighty swing propelled his body around. Lifting her booted foot, she planted it against his broad back, throwing her weight to push the golden haired man off balance and forward onto to the ground.

He landed hard against the dirt, shaking the ground and sending a puff of brown dust into the air. When the dirty haze cleared, Sif saw Thor rolled onto his back beaming up at her in happy surprise as she pointed the tip of her sword near his throat.

"Fine footwork! I thought for certain the arrival of my nephew would distract you enough to give me the upper hand." Sif smiled fondly down at her friend and offered her hand, which Thor gladly took. She helped to haul him to his feet as he launched into dissecting their match, praising Sif's technique.

A short distance across the yard, Hogun had pulled out his newly acquired throwing knives and Loki stood, admiring the blades and conversing with him over the blades' composition. As he spoke, Ullr squirmed in his arms to be put down, arching his back and kicking his long legs.

The baby had grown much as the seasons had changed and nearly a year had passed since his birth. He moved quickly from rolling himself onto his stomach to mastering crawling. Exploring the palace with curious eyes, he could not be found without either Loki or Sif hurrying after him before he could put some stray blade or forgotten potion into his mouth.

Most recently he had taken to pulling himself up on low furniture, standing on shaky legs and attempting a step before falling on his bottom. Each time he plopped to the hard, gleaming gold of the palace floors, he would happily pull himself back up with admirable determination, better than what Sif saw each day from some of her novice soldiers in the training yards.

Loki was determined to help him succeed in taking his first steps. The prince spent his days bent at the waist; Ullr's small hands wrapped around his long fingers, walking long distances about their living quarters as Ullr led him in happy exploration on wobbly legs. So far, each time Loki had attempted to extract a finger from the baby's grip, Ullr would invariably end up collapsing. Loki had even taken to trying to coax the child to release his perch once he had pulled himself up on their low table or by the legs of Sif's trousers, tempting him to let go with his favorite stuffed dragon or a sweet treat held a few short steps out of reach. Sif just laughed and ruffled Loki's hair as each time the attempt at that first unaided step sent Ullr sprawling to the floor. Loki's efforts were nearly as single-minded as his attempts to coerce Ullr to say 'dada', which had also proven to be futile.

"Mama!" Ullr squealed, arching his back until Loki was forced to set him down.

"Yes, I know but Mama is busy talking to your Uncle right now." Leaning down Loki lowered the child to the dusty ground to stand. Ullr clasped his fingers, finding his balance.

"Ma-ma-ma-ma," he continued to babble, pulling at Loki's supportive hands.

"You're as stubborn as she is," Loki grumbled fondly and followed behind Ullr as he began taking a few determined steps across the yard, his jerky steps raising small puffs of dirt from the ground.

"Sif," Loki called out. The shieldmaiden spared a glance towards his voice, smiling at her husband bent like a hunched old man over their child, which had become a familiar sight to her as of late, before turning back to Thor.

Ullr screeched one time before continuing his chanting of "muh-muh-muh". Clearly determined to win her attention, Loki felt Ullr's grip loosen on his fingers as he continued to march towards his mother. His heart jumped in excitement, sensing his son's steely resolve.

"Sif!"

At that, Thor and Sif turned more fully, seeing the pair rapidly approaching.

"Oh," Thor stated in surprise before breaking into a grin. "He is on a war path."

Sif grinned wildly and crouched down, extending her arms. "Come on, Ullr," she encouraged. "You can do it."

"Come on, Ullr!" Thor exclaimed placing himself behind Sif to watch his nephew's progression and waving over the Warriors Three. Ullr squealed again, seeing his mother's waiting arms before him, continuing his steady stride towards her.

Tentatively, Loki tugged his fingers gently from the child's grasp. "Go get Mama," he murmured hopefully, lowering himself to one knee with his hands raised hesitantly behind Ullr's back in expectation. Everyone held their breath, watching the baby teeter slightly, tensing in anticipation of his fall.

Apparently undeterred by the loss of his father's support, Ullr did not stop his journey towards Sif, swinging his freed arms forward to reach for her. The motion propelled him onwards - taking _one, two, three, four_ wobbly steps before toppling forward.

Sif caught him under his arms, giving a happy shout. Across from her, Loki stood upright, pride splitting his face into a delighted smile. Thor and the Warriors Three cheered and whooped above the baby, roaring their congratulations at his newest milestone.

With his mother supporting him under his arms, Ullr looked up at the sudden commotion around him, directed at him. For a moment, he was startled into stillness, his happy smile at making it into his mother's arms frozen upon his mouth. And then his face suddenly crumpled, bursting into overwhelmed tears.

"Aww," Thor laughed. "Apologies, little one. We meant only to rejoice your determination and bravery!"

Sif laughed, scooping Ullr up and pressing kisses to his face and dark hair as he clutched at her, big tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Yes, you will find that bellowing loudly is the preferred pastime of warriors. You are right to be alarmed at such brutish manners," Loki articulated smoothly as he approached, unable to fully hide his smile.

"Dadaaaaa," Ullr wailed, holding his arms out and leaning in Sif's arms towards his father. Sif laughed warmly while he took the child into his embrace and Ullr buried his face in Loki's shoulder.

"And having a flair for the dramatic is a hallmark of accomplished sorcerers," she affectionately quipped before leaning in to plant a kiss on the back of the baby's head and on her husband's smug grin.


End file.
